How to Argue Like a Republican

Why is it that Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, and all of those other talking heads can be painted into a logical corner and still seem to win every argument? The answer is simple: they don’t fight fairly.

You, my Democratic friend, have been doing this all wrong. You think that the way to argue and persuade is to take a well-reasoned position, marshal your evidence, quote honest statistics, use logic, and gently challenge your opponent’s position. If you do that when arguing with a Republican, you will lose---again.

It is time to learn how to argue like a Republican :

First, choose a position that will appeal to the masses, preferably one that you can couch in moral terms while standing in front of a flag. (Example, “Americans don’t want socialized medicine like they have in godless Communist countries, so that’s why President Bush had to veto health insurance for children.”)

Second, ignore the immorality of your position.

Third, ignore the statistics about how many millions of children go without healthcare.

Fourth, make up your own statistics.

Fifth, get righteously indignant at your opponent and accuse him (or her) of unspeakable acts of degenerate behavior.

Sixth, make your argument in a real LOUD voice.

Seventh, speak very distinctly and with confidence because if you say it over and over, it makes it true.

There you have it---seven easy steps that will allow you to argue like a Republican. Practice these daily and you too will be qualified to have your own radio talk show.