Fort Bend Republican Messes

As I’m sure you’ve heard, if you read a newspaper or any blogs in Texas, our local Republican Party has fallen apart like a three dollar suitcase in a gorilla cage.

Proper people have rarely witnessed such a brutal fight. Some folks say it’s Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome left over from Tom DeLay. Others say that that it’s an Ego Tango that would win any ballroom dancing contest on planet earth. And some say it’s Commissioner Andy Meyers and The Belles of Heaven Republican Women’s Club doing what they do best – throwing a stink bomb into a room and then standing around looking innocent, whistlin’ Dixie.

But the one thing that everybody is sure of is that there was some hanky-panky with the books. We don’t know when. We don’t know who did it. We don’t even know how much. But, we know. You can paint that on the barn in waterproof paint.

To be honest about it, our local Republican Party has snakes so thick that you have to parade around on stilts. They are framing the fight among themselves as the do-gooders versus the evil doers. Gee wilkers, I wonder where they learned that tactic? Dripping syrupy sarcasm is just another free customer service gleefully offered here.

There’s nobody in this fight acting like an adult, which probably doesn’t surprise you considering the condition of White House for the past 6 years.

Quitting-Chairman Gary Gillen, who is so chicken that he molts twice a year, is saying he’s leaving because a small fringe element is trying to take over the party. Good sake, Son, get a flyswatter or hunt up something you can use for a backbone. The Fascists were a small fringe group but you didn’t see Harry Truman resigning at the country club.

The small fringe element of the local GOP has always been there, flitting around like someone stole their rudder. They still think Tom DeLay didn’t cut and run, and that he’s still the leader of the real conservatives. “Real conservative” means they’ll steal you blind, but won’t let you have an abortion to make up for it. They figure this gives them a clean slate in the Good Lord’s eyes.

The other fringe element of the local GOP has formed a political organization called “The C Club.” They say the “C” stands for Conservative, but we Democrats are entertaining doubts about it. We think the C may stand for Caucasian. It’s a private political club and you have to be asked to join. If that ain’t exclusive enough for you, it costs $1,500 to join. I dunno, if it’s the “C” Club, how come membership doesn’t cost $100? I don’t think Republicans think things all the way through.

Look, even tumbleweeds know which way the wind is blowing, and I’ll wager you short odds that this C Club becomes an FEC and Texas Ethics Commission magnet – what with elected officials using their campaign funds to join and a Congressional race involved. And before next Tuesday they’ll be fighting over who gets how much money. You can’t put a dollar in a room with three Republicans without a fight breaking out.

I suspect there’s Republicans sitting in the middle of these fringe groups looking for a home. Welcome. We won’t let folks like Andy Meyers get past a primary, spend your grandchildren into debt, sell the country to China, or lie to you about a war. We think your private life your private life.

Check us out – we’re Democrats, cleaning up Republican messes since 1932.